The Rage Monthly: The Adventures of Jizzona Straynger!
The Adventures of Jizzona Straynger: The Rage Monthly – November, 2011
Poodles, I’ve missed you so! I hope you had a SPOOKTACULAR October and Halloween, and maybe even got yourselves some Halloweenie. They say it’s like candy. I had an absolutely fabulous October. As I mentioned previously, Fall and Winter are my two most favorite seasons of the entire year. I love the cool, crisp air, delicious fall flavored coffees, and of course the two biggest holidays of the year, for eating that is! The best part of the season is that it’s perfect for cuddling, especially for those of you who experience real winter weather. Have you found your cuddle buddy yet? I’m still accepting applications.
October was jammed packed with spectacular events that kept my social schedule full. I experienced THE Pride of the South in Atlanta, GA for the first time. I think I’ve been to more Pride festivals this year than my entire life combined, and I LOVED it! Halloween in New Orleans, CRAZY! And of course another great GayDay’s Anaheim!
Of course October marked the official start of Fall and what has become an OC tradition with GayDays Anaheim. Did you make it?! It was fabulous. My favorite event is the kickoff party Wonderland at the Jazz Kitchen in Downtown Disney. This year, hottie patottie and Oscar winner Dustin Lance Black was in the house. With all that sexy hair, who needs talent? Luckily for Dustin, he has both! Of course from there, the party was off and the weekend on a roll. I was joined by my friends from San Diego, who always make it up for GayDays, to mark the birthday of the Brother Boy of our group, Dwayne Owens. One thing is for sure, with that many gay boys running around, there’s never any shortage of birthday spankings.
Speaking of birthdays, I’m on the dawn of a new decade. I know, I know, it’s hard to believe, but I will be saying farewell, adieu, despedida to my 20’s and hello 30’s! Now, before I go all Dr. Phil on your ass, I want to say I truly am looking forward to hopefully the best years of my life before me. I do, however, have some reservations about rocking the big 3-0. Doing a little research on turning 30, I came across a book titled, “Book of Ages: 30.” The concept, it makes you feel both great and horrible about turning 30.
The book recounts tons of stats, some which made me think I was way ahead of the curve and the rest that made me think, “Heck! Bill Gates made $234 million at 30!”
For those of you in the same boat, or rapidly approaching your 4th decade of your life, let me share with you a few of my thoughts of happiness and self-loathing this book provided.
- 96% of gay people realize they’re gay by age 30. For our straight readers out there, it’s highly unlikely that you’re going to wake up one day and go, “Gay-Gasp! Ohhh! That’s why I’ve seen Steel Magnolias 19 times!”
- One out of 33 men and one out of 25 women are virgins at the age of 30. The conclusion I draw here is that coming from a Pentecostal background where we save our cherry for marriage, people who are still virgins at 30 are virgins due to the Worth the Wait movement.
- 30 is the average age of retirement for NFL players and the modal age of death for people living within the city in Logan’s Run. Ain’t dat a bitch?!!
- The most common way to die at age 30 is by accident. 29% of people who die at 30 is in an accident, 12% suicide, homicide and cancer tied at 10%, and finally heart disease at 7%. Or, according to the Certified Assholes who created Wii Fit, 100% die because they have a skewed center of balance, no joke!
- The odds you’ll make it to your late 30s are 99,003 out of 100,000! That’s pretty good all things considered. Basically, come November 15, 2021, I’ll be back here sharing some crazy stats on turning 40. Lawd help us all!
With that, I hope to see some of you out and about in November! I’ll be making the birthday rounds from San Diego to West Hollywood! I’ve got a couple events planned to mark my 30th. You can see where you can buy me a birthday drink or 4 on my calendar of events at Jizzona.com! Due to recent studies on stroking out from Diet Coke, I no longer accept Vodka Diets. However, any fruit juice with a heavy pour of vodka is acceptable. I kid, I kid… no, really.
I’m excited to announce that I’ve joined up with Bedlam Presents; they’re on the FB, to host some exciting new shows from Atlanta, New York, and soon to be Los Angeles! Stay tuned for some really exciting news, as California hasn’t seen anything like Bedlam!
Well folks, that’s a wrap! No matter what your thoughts are on Thanksgiving, Johnny Carson summed up best what we’ve all experienced, “Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.” I hope whether you get your turkey stuff or your kitty punched, you have a super-fab Thanksgiving regardless of any troubles your family may cause!
Stay smart and beautiful Rage readers! I’ll be back next month when I’ll be ho-in’ it up for the Holidays!
XOXO
Jizzona
Jizzona.com + Twitter: @Jizzona + facebook.com/jizzona
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